return my video game
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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