New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
