Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
