she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am one with the molecules
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
