hotel room ftw
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
