The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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