i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
