Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
