the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Houston, we have a blender
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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