I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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