Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm really busy with my period
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