So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
