I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
