Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
