On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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