By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
