butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
