I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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