im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
