Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
