its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
