Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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