Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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