I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
