I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
