i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
