DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
