i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
