I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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