it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
