all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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