i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
