My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
