Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
