In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
