thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
