I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
