Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize