she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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