I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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