How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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