I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
