I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
