You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
