She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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