Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
