I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
