More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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