you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
