my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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