My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize