My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
