Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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