I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
