I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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