The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
