look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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