So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
