I looked at my own cervix.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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