judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
