i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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