Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
