we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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