do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
