Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
