it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
