my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
