margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just cropdusted the office
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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