paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
