Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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