Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
