I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
